Umm, maybe not petrified but frozen! We went to the beach this past week. A freakin cold ass dirty teenager beach. The one week out of the year that we get a vacation, free of course, it is like 60 degrees tops! Everyone knows that Myrtle Beach is always warm for spring break. Obviously it was not.
This was the kids' first beach trip, that they can remember anyway. Ansley had a hard time comprehending the beach. "But we need a sandbox to go with our pail and shovel". She was in awe when she saw it. Joey, he screamed. But what's new with that right?
It was maybe 50 degrees when we got there, but of course, we still go put our feet in the water because I guess that is just what you do when you go to the beach. It was the coldest I think I have ever felt on a beach. In the south. A few years back, Mike took me up north, my first time, and took me to Hampton beach. I thought it was pretty, big rocks, good breeze, people out in the water, this was August mind you, so I go running into the water and about have a heart attack it is so cold. It was worse than ice water. Myrtle Beach in April is not supposed to feel like a northern beach. It is supposed to feel like bathwater. Gross I know, but I have heard a lot of northerners refer to it that way.
The kids did adjust to the temperature, and we had a blast playing on the beach. Mike actually took Ansley out to ride the waves, she came back a little blue, but it was wonderful watching them. Joey eventually got comfortable enough to want to play in the water and shell hunt with me. We built many sand castles, most of which were destroyed by "baby king kong". I built a little iraq, I had a good little village going, then everyone decided to bomb it. Mike was going for a sand toilet but it just never quite looked right.
There were of course lots of little hookers with a never ending supply of drooling tards with booming systems trying to get laid. I guess that is what we get for going to myrtle beach. I was just amazed at the little hookers walking around in bikinis in 50 degree weather. Something else that stunned me was that either girls are just super easy or guys are just total tards, I guess they thought yelling at a girl is enough to get her to drop her bikini bottoms and bend over. Which from the looks of things, that is all it took. I told mike I will beat Ansley's ass if she ever gives it up to a tard like the ones there. I will also beat Joey's ass if he ever acts like that trying to get laid. I have a good while before I have to start worrying about that though.
I am officially a murderer now. Mike was digging in the beach during low tide and found a beautiful shell, a huge one, complete with icky critter inside. We wanted to keep it since it was the biggest shell we have found, so we put the critter in Ansley's pail with some sand and water, it lived. And lived. So finally it is time for us to pack up to come home and no one knows what to do with the critter. Mike wusses out on me so I have to murder it. I did the only thing I know to kill sea creatures. Boiling water. I felt horrible. It is no worse than boiling a lobster right? That is what I tried to tell myself anyway.
Overall, we had a good time. Of course I was jealous of the little hookers in their bikinis. I was the typical big fat mom in the supreme coverage tankini complete with swim skirt. I did forget about that long enough to have fun, so I guess that is what counts.