Saturday, April 18, 2009

When I need him the most.

I haven't needed this in so long I almost forgot how to log in. This blog has been my outlet for so long and in recent months I just have not needed it. I stay so busy that I barely have time to breathe let alone sit and type out my thoughts.

I need it now. I have a husband. A good husband. We are so in tune to each other on so many levels. Except one. A major one. Affection. I need affection like I need air or water. He could care less. At least that is how I feel. Ever since the beginning of our relationship we have had issues with that area. I am not talking about sex, just basic affection. He says I demand it. That much is probably true. I am a very demanding woman. He does not seem to need the hugs or even little touches as much as I do. At times I wish I was not so needy.

Like right now, I am sitting in the livingroom while he is in the bedroom because I complained and left the room. I was almost asleep when he came to bed and I scooted closer to him, this is a big deal because we sleep on opposite sides of a king size bed. I was in and out of sleep while he was watching tv and getting up and down for some reason or another. He came back to bed and had his head at the foot of the bed. He turned up the tv loud enough to bother me and that was pretty loud since I suffer from a fair amount of hearing loss. I looked up at him and he just sees nothing wrong with this. He says I was asleep so what did it matter. If I was asleep I would not have been able to tell him what tv shows he was watching or whatever. Should that even matter? He knows I wanted to be near him. And this is my fault.

Now I have a lot of serious stuff going on in my life right now and he has been fairly supportive. So why is he pulling away now? It is okay when he does want affection or wants attention because usually I am willing to give it. I just want him to give me what I need right now. I know he is capable of it otherwise why would I have spent the last 10 years of my life with him?

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