Where oh where have I been...
Wish I could answer that. Things are crazy, like usual. I have come to the realization that I am a chronic whiner. With good reason. I rarely get a break from my mommyitis infected kids. Staying home is starting to get to me. Since I had Joeyman I feel like I have not been myself. At this point I feel like all the pills in the world would not help. It is really not the kids, I think it is me. Being the hypochondriac I am, I looked up the symptoms I am having and it feels like it could be one of two things. Postpartum depression or hypothyroidism. I suppose it could be both. But, I guess I should leave the diagnosis to the doctors. Whom I would visit if I had health insurance or the money to pay for a visit. That is another post altogether.
I asked my husband for a little time to write as this is my time to vent, and the kids keep crawling all over me, hitting the keys on the laptop and I just want to hit him. Not the kids, him. I know this is wrong. He really is a good husband, I know he has a lot of pressure this semester and working on top of that is taking its toll on him. And our relationship.
It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work. Being a stay at home mom, I am not contributing to our income, nor am I advancing my education. Which is eating me alive. I am doing something that makes all my craziness worthwhile. I am there for my children.
My inadequacies as a mother smother me. I try to be everything to them. With me not being happy, I feel like I am not being all I can for them. They did not ask to be brought into this world so it is my responsibility to make it worthwhile for them. I wish I knew just how to get across to everyone, including my husband, what my life is like. What I feel. The things I want to change. My kids are smart and beautiful and they really do brighten my day. I just want a little time away. That is the part no one understands. I am told that everyone has to deal with this. Mike and I butt heads on this issue constantly. He is away a lot with school and work, and a large part of his time spent at home is doing schoolwork. I know this is to benefit us as a family. It still doesn't ease my stress. I try to get him to understand that he does get away from his job and school. I never get away from mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a huge vacation or anything, just some regularly scheduled me time. I know he does not get that much, but he does get away from me and the kids sometimes more than 12 hours a day. Am I wrong?
Back to the inadequacies, I am a horrible housekeeper. I mean bad. I try, I really do. Just try loading a dishwasher with a toddler trying to crawl in it at the same time. Not a good thing. I hate laundry and have a severe excess of it to take care of.... I am thinking of just parking my garbage can outside my bedroom window and just tossing it all out. I haven't missed it anyway.
Babykins is screaming right now because I will not hold her. I can't though. I need this time desperately. All I can think is what the hell is wrong with me? I am a mother and a wife and I am not supposed to feel like this. I should be happy. I have a moderately healthy, happy family. We have a roof over our heads, that we own. We do not have hardly any money but, money does not equal happiness.... Or so I am told.
I asked my husband for a little time to write as this is my time to vent, and the kids keep crawling all over me, hitting the keys on the laptop and I just want to hit him. Not the kids, him. I know this is wrong. He really is a good husband, I know he has a lot of pressure this semester and working on top of that is taking its toll on him. And our relationship.
It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work. Being a stay at home mom, I am not contributing to our income, nor am I advancing my education. Which is eating me alive. I am doing something that makes all my craziness worthwhile. I am there for my children.
My inadequacies as a mother smother me. I try to be everything to them. With me not being happy, I feel like I am not being all I can for them. They did not ask to be brought into this world so it is my responsibility to make it worthwhile for them. I wish I knew just how to get across to everyone, including my husband, what my life is like. What I feel. The things I want to change. My kids are smart and beautiful and they really do brighten my day. I just want a little time away. That is the part no one understands. I am told that everyone has to deal with this. Mike and I butt heads on this issue constantly. He is away a lot with school and work, and a large part of his time spent at home is doing schoolwork. I know this is to benefit us as a family. It still doesn't ease my stress. I try to get him to understand that he does get away from his job and school. I never get away from mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a huge vacation or anything, just some regularly scheduled me time. I know he does not get that much, but he does get away from me and the kids sometimes more than 12 hours a day. Am I wrong?
Back to the inadequacies, I am a horrible housekeeper. I mean bad. I try, I really do. Just try loading a dishwasher with a toddler trying to crawl in it at the same time. Not a good thing. I hate laundry and have a severe excess of it to take care of.... I am thinking of just parking my garbage can outside my bedroom window and just tossing it all out. I haven't missed it anyway.
Babykins is screaming right now because I will not hold her. I can't though. I need this time desperately. All I can think is what the hell is wrong with me? I am a mother and a wife and I am not supposed to feel like this. I should be happy. I have a moderately healthy, happy family. We have a roof over our heads, that we own. We do not have hardly any money but, money does not equal happiness.... Or so I am told.
posted by Lori at 8:59 PM
2 Comments:
I feel the same way. Been having the mommy blues big time. feel unappreciated and completely overworked. Not happy and feel guilty about wanting to be a better mom.
Have no advice right now, but know you're not alone!
You are TOTALLY not alone. We all feel like you do once in awhile, but I think you're the only one with enough guts to say anything. None of us are perfect wives or moms . . . or housekeepers! Sometimes, it's just one day at a time.
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