For me or her?

I have this nagging little "habit". Ever since I found out Ansley was a girl when I was pregnant, I have been into all the prissy things. Especially pageants. Pageants tend to be a sore subject with people and I can see why... on some levels anyway. Ansley has been in a few pageants and has taken home the majority of the titles and crowns with each one. The last pageant I did with her was right before she turned a year old. Mike said no more after that one. We had to travel and pay for a 3 night hotel stay, so it took a lot of money. Not to mention the money my mom forked out for professional head shots and all the ad space for the programs. What I am getting to, if I can ever stay on subject here, is that I got an email the other day and it has been eating me alive. There is going to be the Augusta preliminary for the Georgia Our Little Miss pageant on april 24th.... I am dying to put Ansley in it. We are broke so I know unless I can round up sponsors, its a no go. Not to mention it would piss Mike off to no end. I do not need anyone to tell me my daughter is pretty. She will not need crowns and trophies to validate self worth. So why do I keep wanting to do it? I have no clue. All I know is that when she is up on a stage it does something for me. She seems to naturally be a performer. I would never do the type of pageants that require fake tans and makeup and fake hair... although I did buy a little fake hair clippie thing and never used it... Thoughts keep running through my head about why I should and then why I shouldn't do the pageants. Oh well, it is late and hopefully tmorrow I will catch up on whats been going on this past week.