I have lost myself
A long time ago I was very opinionated and stood up for what I believed in, I had a good strong backbone. My dad has a very old fashioned outlook on this, at least when it comes to a husband wife relationship. I have always thought that I would remain a strong woman who stuck to her guns and believed in and demanded equality. Dealing with authority figures has never been my strong suit and now I am faced with what I think is a very serious problem. My dad always told m not to take any shit from me, that I was "unnecessarily bitchy and controlling", I believe this was the old fashioned attitude talking but M took him seriously. We fought for what seemed like an eternity last night. All because I am a lousy "maid". Our money situation is really tight, M is still in school and works full time but it just is not enough. Well, mothers day out is expensive. Apparently he decided to get a little manly on me and tell me that he better see a difference in the house in 2 weeks or no mothers day out. I did not take to this very well. At all. I used to work full time with the thought that I was going to take over my dad's company. Until the last month of my pregnancy with babykins. I was hospitalized and could not work, then we decided I should stay home with the kids. Which is fine, as long as I get a "me" break every now and then. I have been home for the last 2 years with 2 kids that tend to be sickly and between me and the kids I have seen enough of hospitals to last me a long long time. I need the MDO to stay sane. I talk to babies all day long, day in day out. I crave adult conversation. M does work hard and has a lot to do with school, but he will never understand about staying home. It is hard work too. I do get more breaks than he does but it is hard to explain to him why I need a few minutes of kid free time everyday. I love my babies more than life itself and believe it or not I feel the same way about M. I just need to find a balance and a happy place for myself mentally. Oh well, gotta get the munchkins up and dressed.
posted by Lori at 7:55 AM
1 Comments:
I'm going to completely steer clear of your DH's comment, and instead focus on the needing a break. Being a SAHM I think DHs don't always realize that your brain literally turns to mush after ONLY interacting with children day in an day out. Even when you have a "break" (nap) you're still "on." It's not like you can run to the store or take a walk...you're still on-call. Hang in there and bitch away sister. It's the moms who don't that wind up killing their kids. And I say that in all seriousness, let it out b/c bottling it up does no good at all. I'm thinking of you! :)
BTW, I find that Clorox Wipes are about the best thing in the world to make cleaning easier...toilets, counter tops, floors, whatever...
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