Uncle Roy

I never know how to take death. My Uncle Roy died sometime last night or today. Coroner was not sure of the time of death. He was young, at least I thought so. 51. My Mema died exactly 5 months ago. I was discussing with my husband that every big event in my life comes with a death. My Uncle Rodney died when I had Ansley. My Mema died when I had Joey. My Uncle Roy died on our 5th anniversary. I have very few people left to lose. They are no longer in pain, not suffering in a nursing home, I should be happy but I am not. I just visited my Mema's grave for the 1st time on the 17th. No one would let me attend the funeral, they were afraid for my health. I am attending my uncle's and Mike is to be a pallbearer. I have no one to watch the kids and I know it is not right to expose them to this at such an early age. Ansley went with me to visit Mema;s grave and I tried my hardest to explain to her that Mema was in heaven with the angels watching over us. She was very concerned about me crying earlier and I tried to explain to her that god called Uncle Roy to be with Mema and the angels. She doesn't understand. My mom was crying and Ansley took her bottle to mom and tried to put it in her mouth, she said she needed it because she was crying. Maybe she does know more than I give her credit for. Uncle Roy never married or had kids. I do not want to pity him, he had a lot of people that loved him. I just know now that there is nothing like a child's love for their parent. And he missed out on that. I hope he did not suffer and I hope he knew and felt how much we all loved him. We have been making funeral arrangements and flight arrangements for family, so it still feels weird and almost not real. I picked out his clothes he is to be buried in, jeans with a polo shirt and his favorite jacket. I wanted him to be comfortable, he was never comfortable in a suit or dress clothes. I guess I need to go to bed before Joey wakes up. Tomorrow will be better, I will learn how to deal with this and take care of everyone and everything that I need to.