Crying in my cornflakes...
My password finally came to me in a dream, Otherwise I would still not be blogging.
Right. I'll just go with that story. The real one is a lot less interesting.
My parents are moving out of their house and packing their stuff in storage. I do not like this. At. All. But since I am about to be 29 I just need to quit my whining. Mom is pretty much selling everything in their house. 2 bedrooms are empty already and it is setting in that pretty much the whole house will be soon. I will have no family of my own here around me. None. Brother lives in Savannah, not that I really talk to him anyway. Sister lives in Asheville, over 4 hours away. My parents will be all over.
Dad leaves for Kentucky Thursday. I have seen him twice in the last 2 months. Mom at least is staying to pack up the house. I will have her till the 1st of august. Still does not make it any easier. I am just a big baby, I know it should not matter what my parents choose to do. It may be wrong of me, but I want my kids to know them. Know them like I knew my Mema. It is selfish of me but I have always wanted them closer to my side of the family and now that is pretty much not gonna happen.
I always think of the what-ifs. What if one of my kids get sick and put in the hospital? Will my parents come to see them? What if something happens to me and I need help? What will I do then? I am just so freaking negative it hurts.
My mother and husband suggested I go to the doctor to be put on more happy pills to make this easier on me. So, now I am officially on prozac and adderall. My little cocktail should work. I know the adderall keeps me focused that's for damn sure. Focus may not be what I need right now though. I need to just not care. Should have gone back on the zoloft for that. Ironically enough, I hate pills. With a passion. But, I always seem to have someone telling me I need them.
On a lighter note, we joined the Y. We got a 30% discount on membership fees and my sister in law and mother in law agreed to pay for it. Very generous of them. I do appreciate my husbands side of them family I just feel like they are not mine. I want mine.
I want I want I want. I always want something. This week I am going to do something to help someone else that wants something. Maybe that will make me a better, less whiny person.
Ohhhh, forgot about girls night out. This past Saturday we had girls night out. Mike took the kids and I got to go out with the girls. We SO looked like a bunch moms out on the town. Went to a tapas restaurant downtown and spent a fortune. I, of course seemed like the alcoholic of the group. Secretly had a beer while waiting on them to pick me up, then had 2 framboise lambic's with my dinner, then off to a coffee shop where I had my coffee spiked. Then one of the husband's called, you knew that was going to happen. So we made a baby check then headed back out to visit a friend that just had her baby 2 weeks ago. On the way of course we stopped to get more booze, my friends are so nice, they kept getting me birthday drinks. So, long story short, we got out around 6, came home around 11 with a fairly decent buzz, only had one run in with the kids, I think it was a good night. I needed it.
Right. I'll just go with that story. The real one is a lot less interesting.
My parents are moving out of their house and packing their stuff in storage. I do not like this. At. All. But since I am about to be 29 I just need to quit my whining. Mom is pretty much selling everything in their house. 2 bedrooms are empty already and it is setting in that pretty much the whole house will be soon. I will have no family of my own here around me. None. Brother lives in Savannah, not that I really talk to him anyway. Sister lives in Asheville, over 4 hours away. My parents will be all over.
Dad leaves for Kentucky Thursday. I have seen him twice in the last 2 months. Mom at least is staying to pack up the house. I will have her till the 1st of august. Still does not make it any easier. I am just a big baby, I know it should not matter what my parents choose to do. It may be wrong of me, but I want my kids to know them. Know them like I knew my Mema. It is selfish of me but I have always wanted them closer to my side of the family and now that is pretty much not gonna happen.
I always think of the what-ifs. What if one of my kids get sick and put in the hospital? Will my parents come to see them? What if something happens to me and I need help? What will I do then? I am just so freaking negative it hurts.
My mother and husband suggested I go to the doctor to be put on more happy pills to make this easier on me. So, now I am officially on prozac and adderall. My little cocktail should work. I know the adderall keeps me focused that's for damn sure. Focus may not be what I need right now though. I need to just not care. Should have gone back on the zoloft for that. Ironically enough, I hate pills. With a passion. But, I always seem to have someone telling me I need them.
On a lighter note, we joined the Y. We got a 30% discount on membership fees and my sister in law and mother in law agreed to pay for it. Very generous of them. I do appreciate my husbands side of them family I just feel like they are not mine. I want mine.
I want I want I want. I always want something. This week I am going to do something to help someone else that wants something. Maybe that will make me a better, less whiny person.
Ohhhh, forgot about girls night out. This past Saturday we had girls night out. Mike took the kids and I got to go out with the girls. We SO looked like a bunch moms out on the town. Went to a tapas restaurant downtown and spent a fortune. I, of course seemed like the alcoholic of the group. Secretly had a beer while waiting on them to pick me up, then had 2 framboise lambic's with my dinner, then off to a coffee shop where I had my coffee spiked. Then one of the husband's called, you knew that was going to happen. So we made a baby check then headed back out to visit a friend that just had her baby 2 weeks ago. On the way of course we stopped to get more booze, my friends are so nice, they kept getting me birthday drinks. So, long story short, we got out around 6, came home around 11 with a fairly decent buzz, only had one run in with the kids, I think it was a good night. I needed it.
posted by Lori at 8:00 AM
1 Comments:
I take pills. they can be nice if you really need them. I swear I feel better.
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