Wednesday, May 25, 2005

waiting patiently

I am waiting patiently on a miracle I think. Mike is probably not going to like that I am writing about this but it really does not have a lot to do with him. My happy pills have totally killed and buried whatever sexual feeling I may have had. There has never really been any problems in that area before, but my dosage on the happy pills was upped to 100 mg. Because of this, the feeling that I am broken and will never again work, is overwhelming. So I got the brilliant idea to do the shot thing that I have heard so many people talk about. B12 and testosterone. One in each cheek. Out of all people, my mother tells me that it takes about 3 days to kick in. She actually told mike to watch out and get ready. How yuck is that? I am hoping it works though. Things have been really hectic lately and I have not had a lot of time to myself but things should be easing up soon. I really miss my late night stress relief. Blog writing, you filthy minded people!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Will this be posted???

Okay, so I have tried to post several blog entries now and so far I have lost them all. I figure I will give it this one more shot and we will see. A lot has been going on in my life. Almost too much to talk about but I am good at running my mouth. Or so I was told the other night. My cousin Eric was in town from germany and he finally decided to grace us with his presence. We go to a mexican restaurant for some drinks and tacos and I get a margarita bigger than my head, and I have a large head. 46 ounces. And I am not a drinker. At least not a lot anyway. From there we proceed to an old peoples bar where we consume even more drinks, I am surprised I can walk by this time, but, I can talk. Talking always gets me in trouble. For some strange reason everything turns to topics that really should not be discussed too openly and I volunteer all kinds of information that really should remain private. I embarrassed myself and pissed off mike and it was almost a good time. Minus the embarrassment and pissed offedness. That was my 3rd time being drunk in one week. I did not embarrass myself the first night except for slurring a little. That was a little funny though, we were playing pictionary. Anyways, I think I have had enough alcohol to last me a little while. Tequila hurts.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I think I lost a week... Or two

Things around here have been pretty chaotic. The kids being sick. Me being sick. Mike being sick. I am ready to invest in about a thousand cans of lysol. Amazingly enough, we are not ever around many people or kids, yet we seem to catch every illness around. One day I will figure this mystery out. I usually write late at night but here lately I have been getting to bed around midnight or earlier so that cuts into my time. Sleep is a little more beneficial than me writing about crap. My life really isn't crap though. Neither are my complaints. Which, of course, is usually what I write about. Lately, I do not have too much to complain about. Odd for me, don't you think? Could be the pills doing their job. Everyone says they like me better on them. Guess I should write pfizer a thank you note for zoloft. Although, this could also have something to do with the fact that Mike is finally on happy pills too. My kids are sleeping. We are taking pills. We have been cleaning the house..... Something major is about to happen. Well, I guess we did just go through some major illness.... Fatboy being put in the hospital for a few days, all of us being sick at once, that is enough to make anyone appreciate a calm interlude. I suppose I am doing a lot better mentally. Mike finally gets a break from school. A week anyway, if you call that a break before summer semester starts. My sister in law graduates from MCG nursing this Friday so we have her graduation to attend and surprise, the sky is gonna fall, my mom said she would watch the kids overnight!!!! Finally, a break, where I do not have to worry about my children inhaling illegal substances or god knows what else. The kids are doing good. I think I am going to start babykins in dance and put both of them in mothers day out 2 mornings a week. The thought of mothers day out is killing me... Emotionally and financially. I just hope I can deal with it this time and not stand in the hallway for an hour crying. I know the kids need some socialization and they need to slightly detach from me since I am really the only one they will go to now. Being together twenty four hours a day seven days a week will do that to them I guess. It is so hard to let go. It feels like every time I try to let go a little something bad happens. The break will do me and them good. I may finally get time to start sewing more and actually getting my stuff on ebay instead of just making everyone birthday gifts. I love to do it, making someone an outfit that you know no one else has makes me feel pretty good. So far, unless people are lying to me, the outfits I have made I have received a lot of compliments on. Ebay will tell me the truth though. I wish it were as easy with my own clothes. I am in the "inbetween" stage right now with my size. Still too big for my old clothes but too small for my current ones. Mike and I have been discussing plastic surgery. This is something I feel very strongly about and that I want very badly. I do not want to touch my face, I want a tummy tuck and boob job. Forget liposuction, don't want that either. I want something I have never had. Boobs. Being a fat girl with no chest is no fun. Skinny girl with no chest is not really fun either. 2 c-sections have totally wrecked my belly. I think I could do crunches and sit ups and leg lifts 24/7 and still not get a flat tummy. My kids made my belly huge. If I ever get brave enough I will post pics of my pregnant belly. Totally stretched out my skin beyond belief. Anyways, I had my tubes tied because I did not have very easy pregnancies and I was told after the first one that I probably ought not to get pregnant again. But I did. So I have been thinking that I want to become an egg donor. I have beautiful smart children and my eggs are wasting away and may possibly give someone the happiness my kids have given me. Crazy right? For all my complaints, I would trade nothing in the world for my husband and kids. Anyways, I have been all over the place tonight... I think I have ADD, can you tell? How many different subjects have I covered? All seems to be well with me and the family for now. Let's see what tomorrow brings.