Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Chaos on the homefront

Things have been unbelievably crazy around our house the past few weeks. We now have a permanent "houseguest". My cousin, April, had no place to go so we took her in. It is not as simple as that though. Nothing in my life is ever simple. The poor girl is 18 and she has psychological and intellectual disabilities. Add to this a life of abuse by a psychotic mother and what you have is a child totally unprepared for life. No way possible can she live on her own and support herself. Legally anyway. Her father, my uncle, is an alcoholic. He is a very nice man who loves his children but not enough to give up the psychotic whore and alcohol.

April could no longer stand the abuse so once she turned 18 and graduated she left. One of her high school teacher's children took her in. Now this was not much better than what she left. Apparently the girl's husband was an abusive marine. So she calls my mom repeatedly upset and crying. Mom talks to me, the person who will take in any stray just because I can't stand to see anything hurt, and of course, I say she can come live with us. With rules of course.

Now we are not exactly well off, in fact you could say we are downright poor. Adding another person to our household has been a tremendous strain financially as well as emotionally. April's disabilities are so severe that she cannot work a normal job. So we head to the social security office to see about getting a disability check for her. Well, let me just say they think nothing of telling you it will be 6 months before you hear anything about their decision. In the meantime what the hell are we supposed to do? We can barely afford to support ourselves let alone another person who needs food and other things.

Everyone has a "not so good" side of their family and because of this we do not know April all that well. I wish I could tell her parents what I think of them. I had to take her to get a new bathing suit because I was not about to let her wear a string bikini to my son's pool party this weekend. She was never taught how a lady is supposed to act and present herself. I had to also help her shop for a decent bra, I have no idea how old the one she was wearing was, but it was worn out. There are so many things she needs and so much to teach her about being a lady. I had to tell her no more black eyeliner during the day.

I just take for granted that people teach their daughters how to dress and conduct themselves in a proper manner. Any parent that does not do this ought to have their ass kicked. A child is something special. No matter how much I complain about my kids I can take comfort knowing they are respectful and worthy of others respect. Even as a toddler, my babykins knows more about manners but I guess the parent's efforts are revealed in the child. Wish me a little luck, patience, and money as I am sure going to need it!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

13th graders

Ever have one of those friends that just can't seem to leave highschool in the past? I have one. We have been "friends" since we were in 6th grade. That is when the backstabbing and other juvenile crap started. The few friends I have now as an adult, I truly do cherish and will say to their face what I say behind their back. This "friend" called me the other day and was pulling highschool bullshit again. Telling me that her friend told a mutual acquaintance, whom I no longer wish to associate with, where I live. To me this shit just gets old. I sincerely feel sorry for people who have such little value for themselves and their time that they resort to crap like this.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The next Martha Stewart without a felony?

Today was a good day. We woke up late, ate "brunch" and just hung out doing some minor home improvements. I made new curtains for my garden window in my kitchen. I totally get into redecorating. Sewing just does something for me. Mike gave me a morning off a couple weeks ago and I spent it fabric shopping. It put me in such a good mood and I came home all excited and smiley. So today I finally got a chance to do something with my feel good fabric. Redecorating just makes me want to clean and sew and get organized. Too bad there are not enough hours in the day for me to do all that I want. Mike just laughed at me for getting all excited. A man just cannot appreciate coordinating fabrics for 3 different rooms and having them all mesh. I have big plans I just wish I could make him as excited as I am. He did put up my new range hood today with minimal arguing and swearing. That is a big step for him. Fuck is every 3rd word out of his mouth while using a drill.

Joey's 1st birthday is coming up. It is making me happy and sad all at the same time. My little man is growing up. He is no longer a baby. Oh well, enough of the blubbering. This birthday party has me all stressed. Birthday parties always do that to me. I want to make sure I have good enough treat bags. Good enough food.... Cool decorations. You know the deal. I want it to be special and I know he will not remember it but I will. We decided on a construction theme. Tonka dump trucks and manly little toys. It is hot as hell here so it is a swimming party at my in laws house. I am going to try my hand at a dirt cake in a dump truck. Caution tape instead of streamers. I think it will turn out to be cute. I just wonder about the treat bags. It is like you have to top what you did at your last party. So far I have a noodle (pool toy) and goggles for each kid. Then a toy hard hat with a take home party zone cup with a toy truck and tonka stickers and bubbles and a "tape measure" bubble gum thing. Oh yeah and splash bomb balls for each kid. Too much or not enough?

Monday, August 08, 2005

My job

Let me start this by saying I love my family more than anything. My husband is hardworking, full time job and school, an excellent father. My kids are intelligent and to me, gorgeous and for the most part well behaved. We are fortunate enough to own a house on the right side of town, with mega equity. So what am I about to complain about? Well, go grab a drink and settle in, this is going to take a while.

I never thought I would have kids before I was 30. I never thought I would be without a career. I never dreamed I would own my own home at 23. All these things are without a doubt a blessing. Yet I complain. I am now 28 with 2 kids, 2 and under, 1 house, 3 dogs, a crapload of fish, praying to keep this marriage for life and I feel like I am slowly sinking. Don't get me wrong, I truly do love and appreciate my wonderful little family but some days life is just almost too much. My theory on why I feel this way leads back to the above statements. Anyone with half a brain knows that 2 babies can totally wear you out. Add this to a feeling of almost hopelessness about my contributions to our household and I guess it is no wonder my husband asks "did you take your pill today?" Which by the way, pisses me off to no end. I do not want to be on antidepressants anymore but people very dear to me tell me that I need them.... Desperately. I do love waking up every day knowing that I am going to be the one watching Joey taking even more steps than he did the day before and teaching Ansley her colors in Spanish. I am grateful that I get this opportunity. Granted because of this choice we are dirt poor but it is most definitely worth it. Money could never replace what I have every day with my babies.

Now it is time for me to totally contradict myself and scream that I just need 5 freakin minutes to myself! No one understands me. I wish my husband, wonderful as he is, could just understand this. Staying at home is so hard. While I do get a ton of benefits that not many parents get, I also get a lot of stress that working parents do not. I crave adult conversation. It is almost to the point that I am going to start talking to the telemarketers when they call. Drag the mormons in when they knock on my door and make them talk to me. I know Mike works hard and studies hard and even helps me more than the average husband. I just can't help feeling like I am completely overwhelmed.

Just my opinion, but stay at home moms work more than just about anyone. We are also severely misunderstood. Anyone that never leaves their "job" can sympathize. You are on call 24/7 and you never really get to leave your "job" behind. I love being a parent, I just wish I knew how to find a happy medium. Balance is something I am continually searching for, one day I will figure it out. Understanding is my next big quest. It's like I am asking for the moon and stars huh?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Under attack

My house is under attack. I have legions of fleas attacking us every waking moment of the day. $200 went for flea pills and meds for the furry babies and the damn things work the first day and thats it. We have bombed the house 3 times now. Our house is around 1450 sq ft. Which would normally require about 3-4 bombs. I used 6 the first time. 9 the second time and 12 the third time. We even stayed with my parents for a week until I could try to get the situation under control. Nothing has helped. I guess my next step is to rip up the carpet in the bedrooms and call in an exterminator. I am going to tell him that it would not hurt my feelings to just blow up my fucking flea infested hellhole. Can you tell this is getting to me? Last night I had to get out of bed and take bug spray and spray around my bed. This is getting ridiculous. My dogs have never even had fleas before now!