Up all night

So last night was possibly the worst I have ever had with fatboy. I stayed at my mom's because mike had a test and needed to study. My mom went out and my dad, while he has good intentions, is not much help. Both kids screamed all night long. I take that back, babykins slept from 1 to 4 when Joey woke her up screaming. I was up all night long. My mom finally took pity on me at 8 in the morning and told me to go get a couple hours sleep and she would watch the kids. Lucky for my parents, their bedroom is the only one upstairs so they did not have to listen to the screaming. Mom wakes me up at 11 and I call the Dr to get Joey in, they tell me to bring him in immediately. We go and wait the customary hour before we see the Dr. Apparently I am yet again a bad mother. I totally missed the fact that Joey was croupy. He has a lot of congestion in his lungs with some swelling. Luckily no hospital stay was required with this visit, probably the next one though. The Dr said that with 2nd children you tend to overlook things as you do not get as much time with each child. So now I feel like crap that I have let my kid suffer. We went through the croup thing with Ansley numerous times with several hospital stays living under a tent so you would think I would recognize the signs. I guess I should not be so hard on myself, Lack of sleep does tend to make you a bit foggy. I love my fatboy every bit as much as I love babykins.

On a lighter note, my parents got new mattresses. I am talking the mercedes type mattresses. They are the tempurpedic ones I see on tv commercials all the time. I took a nap in their bed and all I can say is oh my god do I want a bed like that. Of course, I will not be able to afford those things until the kids are out of college and married... Oh wait, they still ask for money after they get married... At least I do. It is another late night for me, washing Mike's clothes for work. I know you guys are thinking that I am always washing his clothes late at night.... He must only have like 3 outfits. Not so, I just have a problem with laundry. He probably has more clothes than I do if I would ever wash them all. I just cannot seem to make myself do it! Because I really dislike embarrassment, I will probably break down and spend like 3 solid weeks washing clothes. I made the suggestion that we rent a dumpster and park it in our backyard right outside our bedroom window and just throw everything away. That would probably be cheaper than washing them all. That suggestion did not go over well. Not that I really thought it would.

The wonder drug

A while back I had to take Ansley to a neurologist. Her pediatrician recommended this as he had done all he knew to help her. If you haven't been reading this, it was for her sleeping disorder and anxiety. I know you guys are thinking how in the world can a 2 year old have anxiety? Well, my kid is not your average 2 year old. She is very smart, but her comprehension level is out of this world.... At least I think so anyway. The neurologist wants to do some testing to see what levels she is at for development. So we will actually get to see for sure if I am right or not. We have been using the medication atarax to calm her down and make her sleepy at night, yeah right, this obviously has not worked, but the neurologist said to use it every night for a week and then switch to melatonin every night and note the changes. All I can say is WOW. An hour after giving her the pill, she is asleep. This is so not like my child it is not even funny. I need to do some reading up on melatonin but for now I have not noticed any negative side effects and she is doing great. I highly recommend it, now I just wish I could give it to Joey. To get them both on the same sleep schedule would make me totally happy.

Fun filled day at the mall

As you can probably guess, I went to the mall today. Woke up, fed the fatboy and wondered why the phone hadn't rang yet. Mike and babykins got up a little while later and I figured it out, apparently I forgot to put our crappy phone on the charger the night before. We were trying to figure out what to do for the day and mike wanted to get people together for a softball game, so I called a friend to see if she and her husband would be interested and was informed that everyone (meaning the girlfriends) were meeting at the mall for lunch in just a few minutes. So I rush around like a madwoman trying to hurry and get dressed and get ansley dressed so she can see her little friend too. I hate rushing but I guess thats what I get for not charging my phone. Anyways, I meet everyone and they ordered our food for us so it was waiting on us when we got there. I proceed to piss off like every single person at the table. The discussion was on everyone chipping in for a beach house somewhere this summer. A fun idea. Until I open my mouth.

I am too honest for my own good sometimes, and I do not always say the right words to express what I am trying to get across. Everyone was talking about how much fun the guys would have fishing, and I have to add that my husband would not really find that fun. Again, my brutal honesty. Mike would have more fun hanging out with me and the kids. And I said this. I said that we had a different kind of relationship than they have with their husbands. This is not a bad thing, we are just different, always have been. I said that we do not enjoy spending a lot of time apart. We really don't. Don't get me wrong, we both have to have "me" time. We do enjoy hanging out with our friends and being with them, but usually it is together. Hanging out with the girls is great, I really enjoy girl time and I love all my friends. Which I guess is why I felt like I could be honest. The tone of voice changed and I got a comment that Mike and I could go and get our own hotel room. I did not really think that I said anything wrong, maybe it came out the wrong way, but the general idea I was trying to get across is that my husband would have more fun with the girls because the girls always have the kids and just like my working friends, he cannot stand to be away from his babies in his free time. He is not like most men, and I know all wives say this about their husbands, which is good, we married them for a reason.

After the tension cleared we did manage to go shopping and found one hell of a sale at the gap... shirts for 1.97, and they were actually really cute. I got 7 shirts and a scarf for 16.91. How cool is that??? We were on a mission for a dress for a rehearsal dinner. We searched and searched and my poor friend still does not have a dress!

Sunshine

Yesterday was a gorgeous sunny hot day. Made me glad I stay home with the babies. We went out in the backyard and I cleaned out their sandbox, scrubbed it down with soap and everything, filled it with water and we had a ghetto baby pool. Put the kids in their swim diapers, got my swimsuit on (cringe), and we played for a while. It was so much fun that I want a real pool. I just wanted to call someone and brag it was so nice. I did call mike, and I know he wished he could be at home with us. Both kids love the water so that should make summer fun. Maybe we can teach them to swim this summer, Ansley has been very close to learning for the last 2 summers. Last summer I did not really have the ability to teach her. I was so fat I could barely move. This summer I have this extreme desire to be somewhat hot. I want to be mommy hot. I can do it.....

Calm, or even something like it...

Apparently I have been very mean lately. It is not something I am even consciously doing. I feel like this is perpetual PMS. Definitely gotta do something about it. My mom took us out for sushi tonight and said something to me about being mean to Mike. All I said was quit banging on the table and be quiet. Guess that was mean though. Ansley is doing a lot better with her pottying. She had on big girl panties for a long time today, then when I did put a diaper on her she did not wet it, so maybe we are moving a step in the right direction. I am going to the Dr in the morning. Need more happy pills. Not that they really make me happy. I think they just keep me from bitching so much. Mike's sister so graciously agreed to keep the rugrats for me. I really need to make sure I go, I need something to make me happy. Well, we all are getting to bed late tonight so I will be back tomorrow probably. Need my beauty sleep, HA! as if I am going to get to sleep for long.

My so-called friends

So I finally let someone other than my parents keep my kids...overnight. I had to talk myself into it, you know, because I am a paranoid, neurotic totally attached mother. These things are instilled into you when you become pregnant for a reason. A reason that I will get to in just a moment.

The weekend got off to a somewhat good start. Went shopping for shoes, for me, and a tie for Mike. He promised he wouldn't complain, and he didn't for the first 30 or so shoes I tried on. I managed to find him a tie that coordinated extremely well with the outfit I had chosen to wear to his cousin's wedding the next day.

I went and got my toes done, came home and packed the kids up and sent them to my parent's house until our friend, who ASKED to babysit our kids, got off work. Ansley and Joey were both extremely comfortable with this girl and her husband, who was supposedly Mike's best friend since like 7th grade, so I figured the time had come for me to let go a little. Common sense just flew out the window. We went to the wedding and reception, had a nice but boring time. Called to check on the kids and they were fine. Went for sushi, it was wonderful! Next we stop in to see the kids and kiss them goodnight. All was well and the kids had not been crying or anything. Our other friend, who just happens to be the best friend's brother, was hanging out and playing with the kids, which was fine because he is over here at least twice a week with us.

While watching a movie later I start feeling weird and missing the kids. In bed around 1 in the morning, I just couldn't handle it anymore, I cried and Mike called to check on them. Supposedly everything was fine. Now I know my kids. They are a handful and a half near bedtime. But we manage to fall asleep and wake up around 11 the next morning. Went and got coffee and donuts and by the time I got back the kids were home. They seemed fine, tired, but fine.

The brother calls me later that day as I am unloading the dishwasher. Asks me what all was said about the night before. DING DING DING!!!! Warning bells go off with a statement like that. I ask him to tell me and he knows I am getting pissed, so he won't tell me and I get off the phone. Mike comes home a few hours later and I tell him and he calls the brother. Gets the story, at least part of it anyway. The dumbasses had a housefull of friends over and they were drinking and smoking pot. With my babies there!!!! It does not take a fucking genius to know that those things and babies were not meant to go together. They know how we feel about those things. Mike will not even smoke cigarettes around our kids! To think that I trusted them with my most precious irreplaceable possessions. Thank god the brother stayed there with my babies until 5 in the morning watching them. I owe him so much for watching out for them.

What the fuck though, I never let anyone watch my kids and the first time I do, this happens. My kids could have been taken away from me had something happened and the police called. We are all okay though. Everything happens for a reason. I think those fucking pot smoking idiots ought to be hung by their toenails. Lesson learned, right?

A little overwhelmed

This past week has been slightly overwhelming. Ear infections, sinus infections, trips to different doctors. Oh yeah, and the department of family and childrens services. Our pediatricians office notified me as I am sitting in their waiting room with 2 sick kids that my kids medicaid policies had been cancelled. Well, now I know those of you that do not know me are thinking wow, this woman is trash living off the system. Not true. My husband just does not make much at all right now and he is still in school. I had to quit work because of pregnancy complications, then we decided it was not worth me going back to work just to pay for daycare. That was 2 years ago. The financial situation is almost the same, we just added another kid to the mix. For some reason, dfacs seems to think our situation changes monthly and that I have all the time in the world to park my butt in their waiting room for hours on end just to tell them that I have the same bills and that my husband still brings home the same pay every 2 weeks. And to think you need a college degree to be a social worker.... They don't have a class on common sense in college. But anyways, the kids are getting better. Joey cut another tooth for a total of 5 now. I was looking at him today and it dawned on me that my baby almost isn't a baby anymore. He looks like a little boy. They are growing up so fast. Too fast.

For me or her?

I have this nagging little "habit". Ever since I found out Ansley was a girl when I was pregnant, I have been into all the prissy things. Especially pageants. Pageants tend to be a sore subject with people and I can see why... on some levels anyway. Ansley has been in a few pageants and has taken home the majority of the titles and crowns with each one. The last pageant I did with her was right before she turned a year old. Mike said no more after that one. We had to travel and pay for a 3 night hotel stay, so it took a lot of money. Not to mention the money my mom forked out for professional head shots and all the ad space for the programs. What I am getting to, if I can ever stay on subject here, is that I got an email the other day and it has been eating me alive. There is going to be the Augusta preliminary for the Georgia Our Little Miss pageant on april 24th.... I am dying to put Ansley in it. We are broke so I know unless I can round up sponsors, its a no go. Not to mention it would piss Mike off to no end. I do not need anyone to tell me my daughter is pretty. She will not need crowns and trophies to validate self worth. So why do I keep wanting to do it? I have no clue. All I know is that when she is up on a stage it does something for me. She seems to naturally be a performer. I would never do the type of pageants that require fake tans and makeup and fake hair... although I did buy a little fake hair clippie thing and never used it... Thoughts keep running through my head about why I should and then why I shouldn't do the pageants. Oh well, it is late and hopefully tmorrow I will catch up on whats been going on this past week.

Wise? Men?

Today my husband pointed some things out to me. Although I tend to not take his advice, this time he sounded right. He is intelligent after all... And I did marry him for a reason. Well, a few reasons. Anyways, I sometimes get tunnel vision. I see things my way and do not take the time to see it from another point of view (as if I have enough time to do this!), But he does encourage me to try to see things from a different perspective. I do have a friend or two that I believe to have malicious intent, and no this does not pertain to my immediate circle of friends. It is hard for me to understand people sometimes, I believe most people are honest with no ill will towards others. That is the part that gets me in trouble. Not everyone has these qualities. He apparently already gets this. It is scary how often he is right about women.

Okay, so this week was supposed to be time to get things done. But have I done anything? Nope. Not a damn thing. We had planned to go to the zoo one day, I think that is going to happen. Planned for Mike to take the kids and disappear so I could clean the house...Not likely gonna happen as I had pictured. Planned to have a "me" day, that WILL happen. Joey just fell back asleep, that would be my cue to go back to sleep as well. I will finish this later.

Do you want me to be honest or lie?

I have been so busy lately it has been unreal. But I have resigned myself to the fact that this is the norm for my life now. Lately little issues have been crossing my path that have me thinking. Generally I am a pretty honest person which gets me in trouble and makes people not like me temporarily. I would much rather someone hurt my feelings and be honest with me rather than lie and make me feel good. This however is not the norm for most people. My shyness growing up held me back from a lot but now I finally feel like a grown up and grown ups are always honest, right? The shyness is gone for the most part and brutal honesty has replaced it. Here's the thing, I love all of my friends dearly, but do not always like them. This is a normal reaction from my point of view. I am not always very likeable myself. Sometimes I am downright unlikeable. But do I tell my friends when this occurs or just keep my mouth shut and keep my distance? I cannot be the only one with this dilemma. You would think that being an adult would be easy and having friends is not like it was back in highschool.

But Anyways, Ansley and Joey have been so good lately. It makes me feel so good when people talk about how well behaved and polite my kids are...Well Ansley, Joey is just learning to talk. He will be polite when the time comes too. We were at my friend's daughter's birthday party yesterday, her 3rd, and after she blew out the candles, Ansley stuck her finger in the icing and said she needs cake. That part was not well behaved but cute. At least for a 2 year old anyway.

Today is a gorgeous day! Sunny and warm, we played outside while Mike worked on the yard. I guess the weather just makes you want to do yardwork, the neighbors were out as well. Our neighbors are from panama, I think, and they have a 15 year old daughter that does not speak English too well but Ansley adores her. She agreed to start teaching Ansley Spanish. I think it will be easier for her to learn it at this age rather than like me who still does not know a foreign language. Joey is pitching fits, time to feed him....AGAIN.